Welcome To Miami....

Have I mentioned lately how much I miss the English language?
Well....I do.
I came back to Miami on Saturday, because classes started today and I must admit, theres something so magnetic about this city. When I was first here, in summer, I didn't want to be here, but the VERY MOMENT I left, I missed it to the tenth power. To the twentieth power.
So, now....I'm back. Back to my pink-and-orange themed SINGLE dorm room, with the dim lighting (thank GOD I invested in a floor lamp...now it's TOO bright) and the bare creme colored walls. Back to wanting to stab myself in the early AM, becase I stayed out too late the night before. Back to seeing random new faces everyday and attempting to remember everybodys name. But most importantly, BACK TO SPANISH, SPANISH, SPANISH.
Now, my family is from the islands, and I understand most spanish (though I opt not to speak it often) but this place is straight up, Cuban Spanish, NO ENGLISH, and too bad if you aren't bilingual. It's everywhere. NOBODY IN THIS DAMN PLACE SPEAKS ENGLISH.
The signs are in Spanish.
The FOOD is arroz con pollo, shoot yourself if you don't know what pollo means.
And the campus is based around the Latin-American culture.
It's beautiful and all, but it slightly drives me up a wall. Maybe this is why Miami is 90% Latino....non-latino people love to visit, but after a while, you feel like you're not even in America anymore.
I actally feel like I'm celebrating Calle Ocho everyday around here....hahaha
Bienvedio A Miami !!

Au Revoir...I know, I know, that's totally French. :)
Paz, Amor Y LA RAZAA!
<3

When I Turn 18...!

Hiii!
I'm feeling x9876543 times better today than I did yesterday. I think it's because I'm leaving for school in 2 days again. I miss Miami dearly. Never thought I'd say that. :)
But anyway, I have to express my EXTREME pleasure in the fact that within DAYS....
I'm going to be LEGAL!
L-E-G-A-L
And although, being 18 doesn't really get me into many clubs on South Beach, or ANY of P.Diddy's yacht parties, it gives me FREEDOM.
This means, that I can officially fulfill my dreams of world dominationn!
Or......at least that's how I used to imagine my 18th birthday.
The reality of it is that turning 18 doesn't guarantee me anything, except that now they can send me to prison if I commit a crime. Oh, what an awful thing to say, but it's true.

18 means I can officially max out a credit card and have bad credit for the next 25 years.
18 means I can legally buy ciggarettes and smoke a pack a day.
18 means that my mommy's gonna have to stop claiming me on her taxes pretty soon....
18 means that I have the responsibility of voting for responsible people to run this country.
18 means that if I have sex with the 16 year old boyfriend that I DON'T have, I'm considered a child predator...
18 means I can spend thousands of dollars on lotto tickets that I'll probably never win...
18 means I can hit the strip clubs and slide measly one-dollar bills in half-naked women's (who probably have families to support off their tips) G-strings....
18 means I can drink in MEXICO....arrrriiiibbbaa!
18 means I can buy a pornographic magazine without the fear of the cashier asking for my ID
18 means I can cruise South Beach in my imaginary car, without worrying about the rules of a Permit.
18 means I can date all the sexy, slimeball older guys who would normally refer to me as "jailbait"
18 means I can get that "I HEART MOM" tattoo that I never wanted.
And last....but not least....18 means I should probably quit squeeling whenever somebody turns on my favorite Jonas Brothers song.........

And although I'm not going to do ANY of the above.....(except VOTE)
It's always nice to know that age gains you some kind of rights.
Unlike turning 16....which only made me mad because I DIDN'T get one of those infamous Super Sweet MTV bullshit parties....
Or turning 17....which got me into the same R rated movies I had been getting into since I was 12.
18 actually gets legal recognition.....and unlike so many other 18 year olds, I want to begin my own journey in life and most importantly.....GAIN MY INDEPENDANCE.

.....Or....maybe I should get a job before I start trying to wein myself off of my parents monetary support. Hehe. There's no sense in biting the hands that fed me my whole lifee.
Especially when doing so would only leave me broke and wishing I was 17 again :)

Haha......

Peace, Love && NO MORE FAKE ID'S (not that I ever had one....)
<3

Caring Too Much? Guilty As Charged

So, rewind back to Amazing Guy from a few posts back.
Lately, knowing him, is like finding out that your favorite superhero is really just some overweight guy getting paid 6 dollars an hour, to wear a girdle and tights....
What I mean is, lately, he seems to be proving that he's not as Amazing as I thought he was.
He's turning into just another..............GUY
Which I don't like too much. Not that my opinion matters or anything, but....
When you put someone on a pedestool the way I did with him, and they prove to be undeserving of it, you feel played.
So....I feel played.
I had hoped that he wouldn't leave me with this awful empty feeling that I usually get after ending things like this but.....he did. Maybe unintentionally. And I hate to say this, but I can't be his friend anymore either. Not right away at least......it's too hard.....
I can't really say much more on it except that I'm going on hiatus from him for a while. I need to collect my thoughts and get back to caring about me, and only me. I'll talk to him again.......eventually. But right now, me blowing his phone up because I miss him is not cute.
So I need to stop.
Sometimes, you need to seperate yourself from people for a while to be able to deal with them again. Especially when it comes to ex-flames, boyfriends, and even ex husbands, haha.
Still, the situation sucks....
I wonder if he knows I cared this much??
I sure hope not.......


"My love where did we go wrong
I wonder whos in your arms,
Especially because you did me wrong.
You know sad songs
Are the best songs
You dont have to wonder how its gonna end...."
- Melanie Fiona, "Sad Songs"


Ohh, goodmorning and goodnight heartache.....

Til Next Timee, hopefully when I'm feeling less rant-ey!
Peace, Love && Good Breakup Songzz!
<3

What Is It About Men....?

I am almost 18 years old, and I have to admit, I don't know much more about men than I did when I was 14.....10....or 6, when the little boys would push me down on the playground and call me "pie face". It's not because I haven't had enough experiance in dealing with them or anything like that, it's because the issues I have with them haven't changed much since I was 14....10....and 6. At 10, the boys weren't pushing me down (because by then, it's considered assault, lol) but they were still heavy on the name calling. Then, at 14, I couldn't get them to call me names or, call me at ALL. I had gotten to that phase when boys were trying to adjust from 8th grade to high school, and were still nervous about actually calling girls and not just MySpace messaging them. Now that I'm out of high school and transitioning to college, I'm realizing that guys...(young MEN at this point) are still the same, except now, they barely bother calling anymore. They're too cool for that. They'd much rather shoot a quick
"Waasssuupp maa?"
And assume that I'm going to fall for they're
(pImPdAdDy)
Text message signature.
Uhh....in the words of Keri Hilson, they're "turnin' me OFF", every last one of them.
I've also, recently caught onto a game that guys nowadays like to play called "send the same text to 7 different girls in my phonebook and see who falls for it".
It's pretty self explanatory. How did I catch onto this game, you ask?
Once upon a time I was chillin with some girls from school who I was cool with, and THREE of us received the same text message from the same ONE guy. It read:
"Wassssuuupp sexy. im tryna chill w/yuu 2nite. yuu dwn?"
(iTaInTtRiCkiniFuGoTiT)
He hadn't even bothered changing his wording of the message. The sad thing is, one of the girls actually responded, just happy that he had bothered texting her.
But, I, on the other hand decided to go a more sarcastic route, as always:
"it is trickin, cus you DONT got it. && hell no i dont. why dont u ask some1 else? oh wait u alrdy did...."
(fxck.off.)
And, well, that was the end of that.
The point is, guys aren't slow. They lack a little common sense at times, yes, but they know that sending the same flirty text to 7 different friends isn't very gentleman-like. And it's surely not a way to find a worthwhile kind of chick. They know that if they just called us up from time to time, instead of just shooting us a "Hey baby, hows your day going?" text message, they could make our day. Guys have to know, that all it takes is a little extra thought to make us ladies happy. I mean, I don't understand their logic.
Guys + some extra thought= happy girlfriend/lady-friend.
Guys - extra thought - thought all together= pissed off girlfriend/lady friend.
HELLO?! It's so simple...
They say that women are hard to please, and YES, I'll admit it, we're complex as hell, but as long as guys understand the simple things like calling on our first day at a new job to see how it went, coming to visit us on our birthday, REMEMBERING our birthday, maybe even shooting us quick "GOOD MORNING BABY" text messages, so we can wake up and smile a little bit, we're basically satisfied. Or at least, happy. And would it be too much to ask if they just responded to our texts every now and then? Returned our calls? We just care about ya'll and when you guys don't respond or bother to call back, it makes us feel like you don't care about us.
And if you DON'T care about us, can you not lead us on and make us think you do?
I've spoken with soo many male friends of mine, who openly admit to knowing all the right things to do, when it comes to ladies, but just not doing them, because they don't feel like it.
....
Oh COME ON GUYS! Stop watching 50 Cent videos, he may look like he's got a million females fawning over him, but actually, he's just got a whole lot of females fawning over his money. And half of the guys trying to copy his cool ways, don't have any money and need to find them a worthy female and stop chasing bitties. Haha.
But anyway, back to my point.
Of all the guys I've dealt with, in some way or another they all had the same faults. Just, a lack of thought when it came to our relationship. And no, I'm not one of those girls with "man problems" or anything like that, but a little thought would really go a long way, guys.
Really.
And everytime I talk to other ladies, from my 8 year old sister, to my 30 year old friend, whose like a sister to me, we all have damn near the same issues with them.
Ahh, guys, is it too much to ask for a little thought?
And this is soo not meant for the men, who actually DO do the right things.
Just the boys who refuse to man-up and put some effort into their relationships! Haha.
I'm just being honest. Hope it doesn't offend anyone.
:)
Peace, LOVE, && the pursuit of MR.RIGHT (&& maybe a few sexy Mr.Right Nows hehe)

(Chace Crawfordd is 100% my Mr.Right Now, haa!)
<3

Relationships With Friendss.... :)

Good friends are hard to find.
No, what am I saying? They're damn near impossible to find.
Which is why when we get them, we hold them near to our hearts for dear life.
But what happens when having that person as a friend becomes more of a chore than a pleasure?
I hate to admit it, I really do, but these are the times in life when we have to asses our relationships with people. I know, I'm the in the process of doing that. I just recently came home from summer term at FIU, and met up with some friends who I hadn't seen since I left Philly. I was excited, to say the least. I expected things to fall right back into place, and for me and my friends to go back to the way we had been.
But see, that's the thing.
My friends and I did the exact same things we did before I left for school.
Now, I know that sounds weird, because that's exactly what I wanted, but looking at it now, it's what I thought I wanted. I thought I wanted to come home to a city that hadn't changed a bit since I left it, but I hadn't factored in that maybe....I would change.
I'm not to keen on facing change, but it was obvious that I had, because I wasn't laughing at the same old jokes we would tell, nor was I getting a kick out of sitting in my friend's room talking about the same damn things. The writing was on the wall. I had matured, but they hadn't.
Suddenly, I felt like I had outgrown my favorite pair of jeans, and switched them for a pair of Banana Republic slacks or something. Needless to say, I felt way out of place.
I think they felt it too.
So, all in all, though it took me a while to accept it, I realized that they would always be my "favorite pairs of jeans" and I'll always remember them, but maybe it was time to part ways for a little bit, at least until they grew into some Banana Republic slacks as well.
That sounds so funny to say, but I want to focus on moving forward, which I think we all know, is impossible to do if we have people pulling us backwards.
My friends are the best people I know, but I'm thinking that me being so far away from them sometimes is the best thing for me right now, that way I don't feel pulled in the wrong direction all the time.
And they don't have to feel inadequate.
Sometimes, that's what you have to do, in order to get yourself together.
It sucks. But so does growing up.
Til nextt timee...........................
Peace, Love && the pursuitt of happiness :)

You Never Really Get What You Want.

Life is irony. I swear it has to be. Did you ever want something SO bad....
SO MUCH....
That you thought you'd just DIE if you didn't get it? You thought you're life would just crumble to peices without it? And so....this ironic genie of life grants your wish and ....
BAM!...
You got what you wanted. You're exstatic. You feel on top of the world for all of.....15 minutes before you realize that your wish comes with repurcussions.
Let me explain...
My senior year of highschool was insane, to say the least. It seemed like my family was smothering me, school was painful, and the grand old city of Philadelphia which I had grown so accumstomed to was begining to make me feel so STUCK. (Anyone who has ever lived in Philly knows that theres something about the damn city that sucks you in and makes you feel vaporized) On top of it all, my near and dear brother Brandon "Bam" Shuler, passed after a 4 month long battle of Leukemia.
Needless to say, I applied to a university SO far away from home, that there was no way I could run home on a whirlwind visit even if I wanted to. So, I applied to FIU in Miami, FL...which quickley became my DREAM SCHOOL.
I fell in love with it. I wanted to live amongst the beautiful people in MIA, and I wanted to be able to look out my window and see palm trees. I also wanted to be somewhere where I could exhale a stress free breath and not have to inhale hecticness anymore. I thought I'd just DIE IF I DIDN'T GET IN!!
So guess what?
I GOT IN!!!
I got my letter in Febuary and began counting down the days til my summer term departure. The school loved me enough to get me the hell out of Philly for SUMMER too. I was so proud, so determened to make my last few months at home FLY BY like a bat out of hell.
And then...May rolled around, and somewhere in he midst of work, school, and trying to to get senioritus....
I MET THE MOST AMAZING GUY...
I know, that sounds SO typical, but finaly, after years and years of dating toady-boys and putting up with the high school boy games, I had met someone who made the whole experiance seem like a bad dream. He was straightforward, sexy, hardworking and OMG....
HE WAS INTELLIGENT AS HELL
Needless to say, I fell quick and hard for him. It seemed like God had answered my prayers for the perfect guy and I was finaly experiancing something REAL.
But, WAIT, I was leaving for Miami so soon.....
We dated for a little while, I guess, we both tried to forget the fact that I was moving to completely different state within weeks after our first date.
He was perfect seeming. I had never met a guy like that before.
GOD I WISHED MORE THAN ANYTHING THAT FIU HAD REJECTED ME!
And I'll give us credit, we tried to stay together the first weeks after I left, but I have to admit that leaving him behind made my TO DIE FOR WISH oh-so bittersweet.
Okay, okay, just plain old bitter.
Sometimes, I wish that I had just applied to UPENN or Temple and gone there instead of choosing the school over 18 hours away, but I know that it's wrong to think that way. In some weird way, maybe the ironic genie of life was trying to tell me something. I think he was trying to urge me forward but help me not scorn my past (which I was fully ready to do before I met Amazing Guy). Also, as many times as I may have regretted knowing him, and dating him, I'm glad I did. He really influenced me in a weird, romantic way, showing me that not all guys are complete dogs. Theres a few good ones in the world.
So all in all, world, you REALLY don't ever get what you want, but as the old song goes, you ALWAYS get what you need!
I love FIU and miss Amazing Guy terribly, but I know that me being in Miami is for the better and I know that one day Amazing Guy will meet Amazing Girl and he'll move on without me and I’m okay with that because I got what I wanted AND what I needed.
Well….I’m trying to be okay with that.
I HAVE to be okay with that :)
Every once in a while I do wish that I was back home, snuggled up under him, and living some half-assed day dream but what I’m experiencing right now is SO MUCH BETTER….

I’m experiencing life… without the training wheels and learning to ride it’s crazy bike day by day.
<3

A Thin Line Between Sweet Dreams && Beautiful Nightmares...

When sweet dreams, become beautiful nightmares, don't take Beyonce's advice-- WAKE UP! Lol, there's nothing worse than falling from grace and not being able to do anything but pray that you don't hit your head real hard when you hit the ground. I'm serious. Let me tell you how it is: we, as humans, have a tendancy to stay in situations that may have used to satisfy us, but slowly become mediocre, and then just aggitate us, but we let ourselves hit rock bottom before we get up and regret not getting out of the situation sooner. Maybe I sound like some crazy conspirist (haha, which I have been called) but this is just my theory, and I wish that I had come across it sooner. Do me a favor world, today, can you just please, oh, please do something that satisfies you today? Whether it's breaking up with someone who isn't making you happy anymore, or getting a poisonous friend out of your life, or even just not letting people from the school or workplace trump all over you. Just do it.
Please & Thankyou.
Peace, Love && the pursuit of happiness.
<3