You Never Really Get What You Want.

Life is irony. I swear it has to be. Did you ever want something SO bad....
SO MUCH....
That you thought you'd just DIE if you didn't get it? You thought you're life would just crumble to peices without it? And so....this ironic genie of life grants your wish and ....
BAM!...
You got what you wanted. You're exstatic. You feel on top of the world for all of.....15 minutes before you realize that your wish comes with repurcussions.
Let me explain...
My senior year of highschool was insane, to say the least. It seemed like my family was smothering me, school was painful, and the grand old city of Philadelphia which I had grown so accumstomed to was begining to make me feel so STUCK. (Anyone who has ever lived in Philly knows that theres something about the damn city that sucks you in and makes you feel vaporized) On top of it all, my near and dear brother Brandon "Bam" Shuler, passed after a 4 month long battle of Leukemia.
Needless to say, I applied to a university SO far away from home, that there was no way I could run home on a whirlwind visit even if I wanted to. So, I applied to FIU in Miami, FL...which quickley became my DREAM SCHOOL.
I fell in love with it. I wanted to live amongst the beautiful people in MIA, and I wanted to be able to look out my window and see palm trees. I also wanted to be somewhere where I could exhale a stress free breath and not have to inhale hecticness anymore. I thought I'd just DIE IF I DIDN'T GET IN!!
So guess what?
I GOT IN!!!
I got my letter in Febuary and began counting down the days til my summer term departure. The school loved me enough to get me the hell out of Philly for SUMMER too. I was so proud, so determened to make my last few months at home FLY BY like a bat out of hell.
And then...May rolled around, and somewhere in he midst of work, school, and trying to to get senioritus....
I MET THE MOST AMAZING GUY...
I know, that sounds SO typical, but finaly, after years and years of dating toady-boys and putting up with the high school boy games, I had met someone who made the whole experiance seem like a bad dream. He was straightforward, sexy, hardworking and OMG....
HE WAS INTELLIGENT AS HELL
Needless to say, I fell quick and hard for him. It seemed like God had answered my prayers for the perfect guy and I was finaly experiancing something REAL.
But, WAIT, I was leaving for Miami so soon.....
We dated for a little while, I guess, we both tried to forget the fact that I was moving to completely different state within weeks after our first date.
He was perfect seeming. I had never met a guy like that before.
GOD I WISHED MORE THAN ANYTHING THAT FIU HAD REJECTED ME!
And I'll give us credit, we tried to stay together the first weeks after I left, but I have to admit that leaving him behind made my TO DIE FOR WISH oh-so bittersweet.
Okay, okay, just plain old bitter.
Sometimes, I wish that I had just applied to UPENN or Temple and gone there instead of choosing the school over 18 hours away, but I know that it's wrong to think that way. In some weird way, maybe the ironic genie of life was trying to tell me something. I think he was trying to urge me forward but help me not scorn my past (which I was fully ready to do before I met Amazing Guy). Also, as many times as I may have regretted knowing him, and dating him, I'm glad I did. He really influenced me in a weird, romantic way, showing me that not all guys are complete dogs. Theres a few good ones in the world.
So all in all, world, you REALLY don't ever get what you want, but as the old song goes, you ALWAYS get what you need!
I love FIU and miss Amazing Guy terribly, but I know that me being in Miami is for the better and I know that one day Amazing Guy will meet Amazing Girl and he'll move on without me and I’m okay with that because I got what I wanted AND what I needed.
Well….I’m trying to be okay with that.
I HAVE to be okay with that :)
Every once in a while I do wish that I was back home, snuggled up under him, and living some half-assed day dream but what I’m experiencing right now is SO MUCH BETTER….

I’m experiencing life… without the training wheels and learning to ride it’s crazy bike day by day.
<3